That is a title which should get your attention. The link is to a thoughtful article from Christianitytoday.com on the subject of marriage. The author suggests that Christians should encourage early marriage among our youth. Don't worry, he's not suggesting teen brides, but rather that we should encourage and not discourage Christians in their early 20's to marry.
The article makes some really persuasive points. It challenged my own beliefs. I recently attended the wedding of my wife's brother. He got married at 22 and I believe his bride is 23. I admit that I had a gut reaction of "too young." But really, is that too young? Can we as Christians expect young adults to remain chaste until they are 28 or 29? Is it really more important to get educated and "established" than to get married?
The line from the article that struck me the most was, "Most young Americans no longer think of marriage as a formative institution, but rather as the institution they enter once they think they are fully formed." So true. From personal experience, I know that marriage reshapes and changes us in ways that we never imagined. That process has to be harder if the participants come to the marriage older and more fixed in their ways.
There is one point I would make that is not included in the article. Early marriages would be easier and more successful if they were more common. If you and your spouse are the only ones in your age group who are married, the "freedom" you see in your single friends can only discourage you in cherishing your marriage.
I am going to think, pray and discuss with others this idea of early marriage. As a parent, I need to be thoughtful in how I encourage my children with respect to the idea of marriage. Saying that marriage is a wonderful institution, ordained by God, doesn't sound quite as convincing if you are also saying "but have your fun first."
Friday, July 31, 2009
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4 comments:
An interesting question, but I think it's really beside the point.
It is extremely important to marry for the right reasons, and this should trump--and trump quite absolutely--all other questions. Christians should never marry to please their parents, to try and fix a failing relationship, or because they have had (or are about to have) a child with someone.
I am extremely nervous by two aspects here. First, I very much dislike it when people who are married begin setting rules and expectations for those who are not. Second, I am very much concerned with the idea that someone would marry early--or late--either because it's better in some abstract way, or because their parents have advocated it.
If it is right for person X to marry person Y, then it is irrelevant what their ages are, and conversely, no matter how "right" their ages are in some abstract sense, this can never make it a good marriage without the underlying vocation that matters all.
(The same problem infects some thinking about gay marriage: how can it matter whether X is better than Y [in some abstract sense], when God is calling a given person to Y?)
So how does it matter if 22 is "too young"? If Jane and John are 22, and are ready and able to commit to each other as marriage demands, then why should they not get married? But if they are not ready, then they should not get married. And average experiences or social generalizations have nothing to do with it.
Here's another way to think about it. It is surely true that mixed-race marriages in America face special stresses and difficulty which same-race marriages do not face.
However, it would be quite bigoted for a parent to use such an argument to attempt to dissuade a child from entering into a mixed-race marriage.
Likewise, the question whether 22-year-old John and Jane should marry depends entirely on the details of their relationship, and average trends are irrelevant, and perhaps, even offensive.
Very thoughtful comments. Thank you for the contribution.
I guess what I really took from the article is that we should stop categorically discouraging early marriage. If we promote chasity before marriage but then discourage marriage until late 20s, we are making it extra hard on young people.
Also, I am not a big believer in the need to "marry the right person." I'm not sure that anyone can ever know before they get married if that person is the right person. Successful marriages are made in how you act once you are married. If both people see the marriage as a covenant before God and are committed to serve the other to the best of their ability, the marriage will succeed.
Ah, that's helpful! Yes, if there have been those categorically rejecting earlier marriage, I would agree that this is a good practice to stop. (As should be obvious, I'm really not in favor of categorical rejections!)
I agree that the mythology of the "right person" is problematic. I'm sure you don't mean that anyone will do provided the intentions are right, however.
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